Kane’s Cuisine: Pasta pomodoro 

LA Blade White House correspondent Christopher Kane shares his love and passion of cooking writing in his weekly column

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The LA Blade's intrepid Washington D.C.-based White House correspondent snarks his way through another delicious weekly recipe while dishing tea on other subjects…

WASHINGTON – Presented with a beautiful crop of perfectly in-season cherry tomatoes at a farmer's market or well stocked grocery store, have you ever gone a bit overboard?

Maybe you had some vague plans for how you would use them that never came to pass. Or maybe you were just hungry. Happens to the best of us.

This recipe is the gastronomical equivalent of turning surplus cherry tomatoes into rubellites on an 18k gold Cartier necklace.

You’ll never use red sauce from a jar again. Not that I ever would. "I’d rather smoke crack than eat cheese from a tin" – Gwyneth Paltrow. Same energy in this column every week lmao

Lightly adapted from "Cook This Book" by Molly Baz:

Serve with more parm sprinkled on top and more fresh basil

Kane's Cuisine: Apple pie

Kane's Cuisine: Alison Roman's semolina cake with lemon & fennel

Kane's Cuisine: Apple pie

Kane's Cuisine: Alison Roman's semolina cake with lemon & fennel

Kane's Cuisine: Salty, cheesy, savory scones

LA Blade White House correspondent Christopher Kane shares his love and passion of cooking writing in his weekly column

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The LA Blade's intrepid Washington D.C.-based White House correspondent snarks his way through another delicious weekly recipe while dishing tea on other subjects…

WASHINGTON – I realize it's Pride Month and also that it's very hot outside. Sometime soon, I will be giving you summer salads with fruit, coconut-lime-cilantro marinades, and other more seasonally appropriate fare.

Last week, however, my husband requested an apple pie. And if I’m smushing butter into flour to make a pie dough, waiting 8 hours for it to cool, and going on a hunt for my springform pan, sorry but that's going to be a food column.

Which also means Dan needed to photograph it before digging in. It was really good, y’all.

LA Blade White House correspondent Christopher Kane shares his love and passion of cooking writing in his weekly column

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The LA Blade's intrepid Washington D.C.-based White House correspondent snarks his way through another delicious weekly recipe while dishing tea on other subjects…

WASHINGTON – Last week, my husband and I moved out of our 1-bedroom apartment and into our first home in Northeast D.C., which is why I did not publish a food column last week.

I hope you’ll forgive me, but I am still recovering from the trauma (which, in my head I am pronouncing like Jamie Lee Curtis) even though I had leveraged what I am now calling my "bottom privilege" to delegate the more difficult tasks to my spouse. Moving the really heavy stuff, driving the 15-foot U-Haul, mounting the TV…you get the idea.

Currently, I am experiencing a recurring nightmare in which, as we’re leaving the apartment for what we understand to be the final time, suddenly I realize we had forgotten to go through and pack the contents of our "junk drawer."

You have one, too. It's the shallow drawer directly underneath your kitchen countertop where you store some things you need – batteries, pamphlets for your appliances, etc. – and more things that you don't – pesos from your last trip to Tulum, stretched out rubber bands, your old iPhone 5, a Blackberry that you don't remember ever owning.

So, in my dream, from this drawer I begin pulling out cords. USB chargers, HDMI cables, you name it. Like a clown performing the handkerchief trick at a kid's birthday party, it never stops. I am waist-deep in the cords. And my husband, who is unable to explain why we must keep them or what purpose they will serve in our new home, will not let me throw them away.

Will I ever be free? Or will the morass of plugs and rubber sheathed wires follow me to every domicile I occupy for the rest of my days while also haunting me as I sleep? Are the cords, menacing and anthropomorphized as they are in my nightmares, a subconscious manifestation of my discomfort with the pace of technological innovation in large language model AI systems?

Unfortunately, I am unable to consult my therapist for answers because moving has depleted not only our sanity but also out bank accounts. It's such a miserable experience that – and this is a universal experience – eventually you begin wantonly throwing all your possessions into the trash without a second thought about the cost of replacing them or even a modicum of appreciation for their monetary or sentimental value.

As I said, trauma.

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. Anyway, let's begin.

In recent weeks, I’ve shared several sweet-but-not-too-sweet baked goods from Alison Roman's newest entrée into the cookbook game, "Sweet Enough." (I had high expectations, and lemme tell you, they were surpassed. Bravo, Alison.)

This semolina cake with lemon and fennel is, to be sure, different from the seedy breakfast cake I made three weeks ago, but they have a few important features in common:

First, no one will look at you sideways for eating a slice in the morning, but they’re wonderful any time of day or night. Second, they are texturally interesting, and I mean that in the most pleasant possible way. Third, they both contain fennel seeds, which in the flavor department lends a certain je ne said quoi sophistication to each. And finally, they are pretty damn easy to make.

LA Blade White House correspondent Christopher Kane shares his love and passion of cooking writing in his weekly column

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The LA Blade's intrepid Washington D.C.-based White House correspondent snarks his way through another delicious weekly recipe while dishing tea on other subjects…

WASHINGTON – I am on a bit of a breakfast kick these days. Matter of fact, I ate two of these scones for dinner last night with a schmear of cream cheese and fresh dill, plus two fried eggs on the side.

Dear reader, have you sworn off scones because they often have the consistency of drywall? I hear you. Until I tried this recipe, scones were at the bottom of my breakfast baked goods hierarchy, beneath even banana nut muffins (which, of course…are irredeemable).

My husband and I are moving. Which meant that after pulling these out of the oven, I gingerly packed Alison Roman's "Sweet Enough" – the book from whence I took this recipe – along with my other cookbooks (comprising two full boxes).

Think back to the last time you moved, and I expect you will understand my decision to not retrieve the book and instead try writing the recipe from memory. That said, proceed at your own risk.

You’ll need:

1+3/4 cup all purpose flour

1 tbsp baking powder

1 tbsp sugar

1 ¼ teaspoon kosher salt

1.5 cups finely grated parmesan

6 scallions

3 teaspoons ground black pepper

1 stick unsalted butter

½ cup sour cream

½ cup heavy cream

LA Blade White House correspondent Christopher Kane shares his love and passion of cooking writing in his weekly column

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The LA Blade's intrepid Washington D.C.-based White House correspondent snarks his way through another delicious weekly recipe while dishing tea on other subjects…

WASHINGTON – Sometimes, I fantasize about making food for famous people. I have no idea what I would serve to Lisa Vanderpump, whom I met at last night's White House Correspondents Dinner…but I know what I would bake for her date, Vanderpump Rules's Ariana Madix.

As an avowed PumpRules stan, of course I have been thinking about little else since the #Scandoval broke last month. I don't have time to fully explain, but the gist is Madix's boyfriend Tom Sandoval cheated on her with their castmate, Rachel.

If Madix was my friend – and, in this fantasy, she is – I would come to her WeHo apartment in the morning with coffee, this cake, and a posterboard with this Rolling Stone article calling Sandoval, "a leathery-looking frontman of a below-average cover band with a minority stake in two West Hollywood bars." Devastating.

Ariana, girl, let's make you an account on Raya and leave some bad Yelp reviews for your ex's restaurants. Here, I have breakfast cake. It's texturally delightful, delicious, and packing just the right amount of sugar.

It's the third recipe I’ve tried so far from Alison Roman's desserts cookbook "Sweet Enough," and I have a feeling it will be a sleeper hit.

God bless America, where our breakfast foods can put you into a diabetic coma. Coffee cake topped with heaps of brown sugar and cinnamon. Iced cinnamon rolls. Pancakes swimming in maple syrup. French toast and berry compote dusted with powdered sugar. Cap’n Crunch…

Try this instead. Amazing on its own or with a schmear of cream cheese and fresh berries.

LA Blade White House correspondent Christopher Kane shares his love and passion of cooking writing in his weekly column

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The LA Blade's intrepid Washington D.C.-based White House correspondent snarks his way through another delicious weekly recipe while dishing tea on other subjects…

WASHINGTON – Earlier this month, my editor asked whether anyone was available to cover the National Cannabis Festival on April 22, and I tried to temper my enthusiasm when volunteering myself as tribute.

My best friend Kelsey Craig was already planning to drive to D.C. from North Carolina to join me at RFK Stadium, but now we had comped tickets and press access. We had prepared for the weekend's festivities like athletes ahead of the Olympics, our bag thoughtfully packed with essentials like the cookies pictured here.

Over the next 24-hours, however, the universe visited misfortune after misfortune upon us at every turn and to such an extent that the Festival's evacuation due to a severe thunderstorm was just one list item in a series of unfortunate events that left us laughing upon our discovery of the parking ticket on Kelsey's car as she prepared to head home.

(As of this writing, Google Maps notified her that traffic on I-95 would delay her ETA by 2.5 hours.)

Kelsey and I are best friends for a reason, though. I don't think anyone has ever had as enjoyable a time waiting 2.5 hours for food delivery at a Residence Inn, trying (and failing) to navigate walking directions from Google Maps during a downpour, or traipsing across the city to find everything cancelled, closed, turned into a vacant lot, or open by appointment only.

Alison Roman's internet-famous Salted Butter and Chocolate Chunk Shortbread cookies (#TheCookies) didn't hurt, either. Even when it feels like the world is deliberately conspiring against us, we will always have flour, butter, sugar, chocolate, and friends – for those of us who are really lucky, friends like Kelsey – to make life a little bit sweeter.

This Alison Roman recipe is widely available online but was first featured in her cookbook "Dining In: Highly Cookable Recipes"

LA Blade White House correspondent Christopher Kane shares his love and passion of cooking writing in his weekly column

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The LA Blade's intrepid Washington D.C.-based White House correspondent snarks his way through another delicious weekly recipe while dishing tea on other subjects…

WASHINGTON – Have you ever made pastry cream? Neither had I. (Nor, apparently, had Stephen Colbert – see below.)

Roman's simple fruit tart is the first recipe I attempted from her new baking cookbook, and of course it was everything she’d promised: simple, easy, classic, and delicious.

My lone (and very minor) gripe was that I had some excess pastry cream. Should you find yourself in the same predicament, you might dollop it atop the tart in the artful manner shown here. I must credit my husband, the very talented photographer behind this column, for that move.

"If you’re the type of baker who loves to arrange your fruit like a gorgeous mosaic," Roman writes, "well, this recipe is for you." The beauty of this dessert, though, is you don't have to be that kind of baker for your tart to look (and, of course, taste) pretty fantastic.

See, as you may have noticed, I’m not fussy when it comes to plating and presentation. These are not skills that come naturally to me, and therefore I have little interest in developing them.

If this recipe is any indication, "Sweet Enough" is perfect for cooks and bakers like me who are willing to hit five grocery stores in search of yuzu kosho or sour cherries but can't be bothered to wipe wayward sauce off the rim of the plate when it's time to serve the damn dish.

Note, however – Alison and I are both absolute zealots when it comes to the type and the brand of salt you should be using: Diamond Crystal Kosher Salt. Always and forever. For this and for everything.

Top with whatever fruit you see fit, in whatever fashion you see fit, and allow your tart to chill in the refrigerator before slicing and serving

LA Blade White House correspondent Christopher Kane shares his love and passion of cooking writing in his weekly column

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The LA Blade's intrepid Washington D.C.-based White House correspondent snarks his way through another delicious weekly recipe while dishing tea on other subjects…

SAINT BARTHÉLEMY – Saint Barth's takes every opportunity to remind you that it's a French island, including by providing ashtrays to rent on its pristine beaches and serving as much bread as you can possibly eat (which, for me, is a LOT of bread).

Anyway, after two weeks we were low on € and decided to eat in. And we were so bloated after taking baguettes to the face every morning noon and night that I chose to limit the carbs – a sentence I never imagined writing, but here we are.

I included rice, however, because let's not get crazy. I’m not subsisting off bone broth. (She may be #Gwynocent of all skiing related charges, but one must not forget she's still Gwylty as fuck of hawking bogus health treatments and diets.)

LA Blade White House correspondent Christopher Kane shares his love and passion of cooking writing in his weekly Sunday column

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The LA Blade's intrepid Washington D.C.-based White House correspondent snarks his way through another delicious weekly recipe while dishing tea on other subjects…

SAINT BARTHÉLEMY – Your White House reporter and fearless culinary correspondent is writing to you from St. Barth's. There are some maxims that are always true in cooking and baking. One of them is that you should always read (or at least skim) a recipe before you begin slicing and dicing and preheating and de-seeding.

I never manage to learn my lesson. Case in point, this recipe.

Making a cheesecake is not difficult, but the process of slowly bringing it to room temperature after blasting that batter for a half hour at three-hundred-and-fifty-degrees Fahrenheit and then having to chill the cake in your refrigerator? Annoying and time consuming.

There must be a better way!

I consulted Google and found this recipe for no-bake cheesecake (h/t: The Busy Baker). It's fabulous, but WARNING FOR BAKERS AT HOME: IT HAS TO CHILL FOR AT LEAST 6 HOURS.

LA Blade White House correspondent Christopher Kane shares his love and passion of cooking writing in his weekly Sunday column

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The LA Blade's intrepid Washington D.C.-based White House correspondent snarks his way through another delicious weekly recipe while dishing tea on other subjects…

SAINT BARTHÉLEMY – Your White House reporter and fearless culinary correspondent is writing to you from St. Barth's. Well, more accurately, from my coach seat on this United flight where my husband and I just experienced a miracle: our window-seat companion never showed, thereby freeing up the dreaded middle seat.

Anyway, if you can get your hands on some nori, you will make a more authentic version of tteokguk, the Korean soup eaten on Korean New Year's Day and Western New Year's Day that I attempted last week. Look at that peek behind the curtain! Yes, I do make these dishes in advance sometimes.

Even without the dried seaweed paper, this soup is packed with umami-forward flavor. I know, I hate that word too. At this point, though, fighting it feels futile.

This recipe is adapted from Maangchi:

Add sesame oil, ground black pepper, and chopped green onion. Garnish with cilantro and julienned red bell pepper

LA Blade White House correspondent Christopher Kane shares his love and passion of cooking writing in his weekly Sunday column

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The LA Blade's intrepid Washington D.C.-based White House correspondent snarks his way through another delicious weekly recipe while dishing tea on other subjects…

WASHINGTON – For readers who might be rolling their eyes over my intense parasocial relationship with Alison Roman, I’m sorry.

I simply had to make the dish featured on the cover of her much-anticipated dessert cookbook, Sweet Enough, because it comes out in 10 days. (Naturally, I preordered my copy months ago.)

You can make it, too, without a stand mixer or oven or any baking equipment or dishes other than a couple of glasses and a fork. You can make it in less than five minutes. You can make it with just full-fat sour cream, berries, and sugar.

Oh, let's get this out of the way – if you’re looking at the photos accompanying this column and wondering why there appear to be more than three ingredients, it's because there are more than three ingredients in the version I made.

Roman shared the recipe on her Home Movies YouTube channel and suggested a few optional additions for those of us (me, I’m talking about me) who are inclined to make everything more complicated.

Notwithstanding the upcoming release date for Roman's new book, I should have saved this column for late spring or early summer, when berries are in season and the prospect of preheating your oven in a small apartment when the weather is sweltering can come between you and your craving for something sweet.

Then again, I hardly exercised this kind of forethought or planning in these columns before, so why start now?

Author's note: The ingredients in step 4 really are optional. Sweetened berries swirled with tart sour cream and served in a glass is nothing short of a revelation. That said, I included step 4 for a reason.

Second author's note: I did not include measurements here because you really can't fuck this up and I don't know how many people you’re serving, but for reference I used approximately equal quantities of sour cream and raspberries.

[OPTIONAL] Stir in ½ teaspoon rosewater, top with crumbled Biscoff cookies, and garnish with a whole berry

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